La Beau Sir Sans Merci

I was sent away to attend a seminar. Most teachers do this (attending seminars) to promote “professional growth”. I may have the same reason but I mainly wanted to do this just to have a quick get-away from the hustle and bustle of teaching.  For 5 days of curriculum orientation and the activities to be done, I was, in a way, forced to listen to lecturers. But I have been very patient to some. Not all, but some. And after being particular about their mannerisms and the way they pronounce words, I have reduced lecturers or “guest speakers” to four categories based on all of my experiences as a spectator/audience:

Welcome to the circus!

The Ringleader - Those who demand and command attention. They can sometimes intimidate you with their superb intelligence and can make you feel stupid. Instead of using common words, they opt for sophisticated terms. No need for the scientific names, thank you very much! These people exude confidence all throughout. They really know what they’re talking about, and can sometimes go overboard. They know what to say, how to say it, and how people should take it, regardless if the audience like it or not. They could care less.

The Trapeze Artist - These guys are natural performers. They can talk for hours and will include the audience as they juggle a conversation after another. They occasionally show signals of conviction, giving off friendly gestures, a smile every once in a while. They talk like they know what you feel, whatever it may be. They don’t care much if everyone listens or not, but tries to be empathic most of the time. They’re modest but they try to please as much people as they can.

The Bearded Lady/ The Snake Man - They’re the freaks of the show. Pardon the term, but these people literally freaks me out a bit. They say things that are neither right nor wrong, and downright shocking. They’ll make you speechless or dumbfounded after they’ve displayed unusual behavior. If you hear these guys speak, you won’t pay attention to what they’re saying. Your eyes will be fixed on the way they speak, or the weird clothes they wear, etc. You will remember them for sure.

The Clown - Comedy is all about unpredictability and spontaneity, but these guys practice their jokes a little too much like they’re stand-up comedians. Yet, the audience respond and laugh (probably because they fear they might offend the speaker if they didn’t, or maybe I just don’t get the joke). They think they’re funny but they’re not. To make matters worse, they do it again in case no one laughs. I’m not entirely sure why they do this but I guess some try to hide their ignorance. However, that’s not always the case. Some just desperately try to be funny. It’s sad and pathetic but you just have to wear a fake smile to get it over with.

So there you have it folks! Why am I writing about this? It’s sort of a plea to treat people, or the listeners like they’re human beings. I’m not saying you should be perfect as a speaker, but you could at least try to be yourself and not act like your somebody else. I think that’s what we need nowadays. Just the plain truth.

“People judge you immediately based on what clothes you wear, your outfit translates your worth.”

“They remember you when they need help, they forget you when you can’t help them anymore.”

“When we make mistakes, we blame ourselves for being human, instead of blaming ourselves for acting like animals.”

“Cowards fight when the enemy turn their backs on them.”

“Nobody wants to hear harsh criticisms, or simply, nobody wants to hear a thing.”

“There are those who can’t settle for the simple truth so they end up making complex lies.”

As I was boarding the tricycle on my way home, I was aloof just staring at the cloudy sky, and the rain started to fall…so I made a very short poem… :P

Mirror pavements brought about by rainfall,

Ripples start off big, and end off small…

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down… :(

In lieu of Valentines, I would like to dedicated this post to all the couples who have found “True Love”. For centuries, we have been trying to define this so-called “love”, only to confuse it with mere affection, or infatuation. I, myself, have no clue on what it really means. Pardon me for using a lot of quotation marks, for today’s post.

Anyway, what do experts say about love?

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

	Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

	Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

	That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

	Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

	Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

	But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

	I never writ, nor no man ever loved.



			 William Shakespeare   

				(1564 - 1616)

There you have it folks! Love is not love if it connotes alterations. Love is timeless. For those who could not wait, the feeling is just a feeling. It is not love. Or so, that’s what I’ve read…

Another expert please?

Meet, Robert Sternberg, the psychologist who formulated the “Triangular Theory of Love”, a.k.a. Bizarre Love Triangle. The three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component.” 

1. Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
2. Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.
3. Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.

Here it is guys, the Bermuda Triangle, I mean, The Love Triangle…

“The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other. Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Meet Helen E. Fisher (born 1945) who is a human behavior researcher and explains that love is biological, with hormones and personality traits that explain why we feel “love”. Dr. Fisher is a leading expert on the biology of love and attraction.

Fisher proposed that humanity has evolved three core brain systems for mating and reproduction:

1. lust - the sex drive or libido, also described as borogodó.
2. attraction - early stage intense romantic love.
3. attachment - deep feelings of union with a long term partner.

Love can start off with any of these three feelings, Fisher maintains. Some people have sex with someone new and then fall in love. Some fall in love first, then have sex. Some feel a deep feeling of attachment to another, which then turns into romance and the sex drive.

Interesting…Love=Sex

  :P

But what about the “spiritual” and “holy” definition of “love”?

“For God so loved (agape) the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

Yup…uhm, I can’t say much about this…You’re free to analyze this if you like.

Let me give you another one…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. - 1 Corinthians 13:4”

So, if love is patient, should you just wait and not look for love?

And another thing….What if the one you “love” doesn’t “love” you back? Thus, the “unrequited love”!

“Some say that one-sided love is better than none, but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner.” - Eric Berne

Weh? Wouldn’t that make you a martyr? To those who can’t let go of the one that got away, or wasn’t interested to begin with…

“Indispensable…to the lover is his unrequited love, which he would at no price relinquish for a state of indifference.” - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche 

Doesn’t help much, does it? For Physics to explain “love”, here’s a piece of advice from the Physics genius…

“Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.” - Albert Einstein

So, what will? It couldn’t be Time and Space if we were to refer to the Theory of Relativity. Big Bang, anyone?

“One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don’t throw it away.” - Stephen Hawking

Yeah, Good luck with the third one! We don’t even know what it is for sure! So what’s the point of going through all of this? This is to warn you peeps out there that this “love” is there to mess with your head and make you crazy! So to preserve your sanity, I suggest you stay away from it. What you don’t know, won’t hurt you…Right?

What I do know, and I do think most will agree, is that L.O.V.E. *gulp* is felt. You don’t feel it? Don’t force yourself! I’m perfectly fine without it, and if it does exist, maybe it has been inside of me all along…

I may eat my words in the future but as of now, I’m not hungry! :P

Special Thanks to : Wikipedia

I wish you knew

The pain I’m going through.

A secret, A taboo.

I wish you knew.

I wish you knew

My heart longs for you.

I pushed you forth.

Missed you for sure.

I wish you knew

How much I hated you.

The memory of you,

Eternal yet untrue.

I wish I knew

How to tell you.

This poison, this nectar,

Is eating me.

I simply wished you knew…and cared.

- By: Amadeus Fernando M. Pagente

A friend told me that for anyone to create a sense of mystery and be in control of the things you do, you would have to be two opposites at the same time. It’s like having just the right amount of swag to get you going, to make your life interesting. Lately, I’ve been struggling to keep myself motivated hence I considered the piece of advice. So what the heck, I’ll give it a shot!

Mentally, I imagined myself to be both a dictator and a democrat, though I don’t want anyone to think I suffer from some sort of bipolar disorder. Other examples may include, being a death metal rock band member and a librarian? A ballerina and an exotic pole dancer?  A criminal and a cop? An angel and a devil? I’m just thinking out loud, but I know the importance of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand the situation. Learning the extremes will broaden your perspective.

I decided to put the theory to a test in my career as a teacher. At times I declare that - I am the authority! I raise my voice, wear a serious expression, and pretend to be Hitler for a minute or two (with the occasional shower of spit).  I decide what’s best for the class, state rules that are never negotiable, throw small things on the floor for that full effect. When I do this, I try to study the reactions of the pupils. Some cower in fear, some perplexed by my actions, and others think of it as a joke.

Then, when everything seems to have calmed down, I would smile. They probably think I’m crazy at this point but I never really cared. I would ask my students nicely about their views on certain topics. I give them a sense of importance. Make them feel that their opinions matter for the welfare of the school. I encourage them to create new ideas and flatter them with praises. You would probably see me glowing when I do this, whispering sweet words, gracefully prancing from one place to another, like I’m about to do a musical or something. Roughly half of the class was eager to share their ideas and talents, while the other half looked confused and couldn’t care less about what’s happening around them.

However, I did notice a change on the way my students act when I’m around. They would sometimes hesitate to interact with me just because they would never know what to expect. I have established uncertainty which is good for me. They’d be careful about the things they say. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through the course of the experiment, it’s that you should never stick to one persona. If you’re loose, they will be rowdy; if you’re tight, they will be rebels. To be safe, I’ll have to be in between and spontaneous as always. More importantly, it’s better to love your students. Yes, I’ve said it, any teacher will inevitably empathize. After all, we’re dealing with human beings here. 

All jobs require a little appreciation enough to empower you. When the seeds you sow begin to bear fruits, you are reminded that you are in the right direction, even if you don’t know where you’re going to. Time and efforts will not be wasted when you invested properly. Sounds like a sales advertisement but it is true. Trust me.

Friday came so I called my friends and thanked them for the wisdom. I had no particular reason to celebrate but we ate out anyway. Whenever we’re together, it was a time for us to share stories, problems, and solutions. At that moment, I realized that the world is saturated with color. This place we live in is oozing with bright and dark personalities. You don’t have to belong to a group to fit in but it’ll be an advantage to see the beautiful picture.

I don’t know if anyone would read this but If someone did, I’m sure that the person to whom I am writing for, will never read this. I know because it would be impossible. It’s either they’re dead, or just far away.

I bought a lot of things to make me “happy”. Whatever I can think of, I try to have them all. Maybe it’s a way for me to cover the emptiness in me. I have no concrete reason to be happy and I would probably be labeled as selfish for saying this. Of course, I’m happy for my family’s presence but even so, I have kept secrets from them. And even if I tell them the truth, tolerance is different from acceptance. As I continuously try to gratify and indulge in things I don’t really need, I try to suppress what I really need in life.

When your heart’s broken, the most rational thing to do is to fix it. However, I have exhausted all means to mend my so-called “heart”, which left me to be desperate in return. I don’t allow anything to ever happen because I know it will never happen. I just don’t know what I want anymore, or maybe I do, I just don’t want to admit it.

I just want to tell you how sorry I am for not having expressed what I should have told you. But I could not forgive you, no matter how hard I try. You made me feel invaluable, and in some twisted way, I tried to prove my worth. I’m not saying it was your fault but I couldn’t possibly blame nature for your carelessness.

I have pushed you away but I never thought you would push back. It only proves that I have no space in your list of priorities. It was certainly easy for you to walk in and out of my life.

It’s unhealthy for anyone to carry these feelings of hatred but I do hope it’ll disappear. For now, it is as potent as any poison.

I don’t want to ask for help but if I did, I wouldn’t know where to get it from. No one can help me for sure. I’m convinced. Am I difficult? Perhaps.

I have been thinking too much for no reason. It’s not like I want to think about it, it’s just that it crosses my mind…This thing in my skull is giving me weird wisdom…based from my viewpoint of twisted reality.

As you grow older, the line that separates needs from wants disappear.

Would you take care of yourself knowing that no one cares for you?

People remember you if they need something, forget you if you need something from them.

Positive thinking is a petty band aid, it doesn’t fix anything, it just covers wounds.

Saying I don’t love you is bad enough, not saying anything is even worse.

Artist, Artista, at Maarte - terms that mean different things and yet most celebrities have it all.

I don’t envy successful personalities, I envy good-for-nothing wealthy scumbags who can get away with anything.

“You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars.” What universe do you speak of?

The start of The Big Bang is the start of Time, I hope I can find time to create my own Big Bang, and spread my own set of galaxies and stars.

I despised lying when I was young, eventually, it became my friend. I guess I learned from the best.

I keep thinking if the person I’ve been thinking of, is thinking about me the same way I’ve been thinking.

We see the same side of the moon for years…which probably meant that nothing much has changed.

Having an overwhelming number of things to do is a good thing, it speeds up time, keeps me distracted, and leaves me numb from any emotional turmoil. I’ll trade happiness for productivity.

It’s not about me, the world is. But it never meant that the world is about other people including you.

Walking is indeed the best exercise, I do that all the time. But I must say that sleeping is a good mental exercise. It will test your subconscious creative thinking skills. Not too much though, it’ll cause mental fatigue.

Hard to fall asleep, hard to wake up.

Teaching has taught me to be two things at once. A dictator and a democrat.

My aphorisms are neither right nor wrong. It’s a slice of what life is to me.

c’est la vie

Cliché as it may sound, never thought I’d actually have one. I’m used in having bizarre dreams involving out of this world phenomena but I think I’m meant to ponder on the message of my dreams as it holds the key in understanding my subconscious.

So there I was, forcing myself to sleep considering that it was already midnight, but I managed to.

I dreamed of the sea, which turned out to be silvery white. I was certain it was nighttime but the sky was as bright as the sun.  I found myself washed away, sand white as snow, and found a deserted white wooden beach house, with little green palm trees around. And then I saw the last person I’d expect to see in my dreams…An angel without wings?…I was in shock, even in my dreams, it doesn’t make sense. Or maybe it did..I don’t really know.

I ignored this and continued to see what’s next. But what I saw was now gone, and instead, I found myself in a crowded hall of people having a great time, seeing familiar and strange faces. I felt the place change, I am now looking at clothes which are oddly wedding attires, I saw a green barong with shells as motif.

Like dreams are, changing unexpectedly, I was transported in a motorcycle, passing by houses with different bridal gowns displayed in each doorstep. The weather was good but I felt incredibly sad for no reason.

The last scene I remembered, the one that got me awake, was when a little girl was tugging my arm, trying to pull me down, mumbling prayers that I don’t understand. And with one violent pull, she shouts, “I’ll chew your arm off!”.

Of course, by this time, I opened my eyes. It was still 4 am. After a drink of water, I went back to sleep. But the dream bothered me, and gave me a feeling of regret and not fear. That I could have changed my fate.

Contrary to the Philippine legend that the fruit is actually Datu Duri, or that it may look like a parody of Oscar Wilde’s The Portrait of Dorian Gray, the story I’m about to tell you had nothing to do with supernatural entities. The fruit will later signify how most of us treat one another.

In southeast Asia, Durian is labeled as the King of Fruits, and since the fruit is in season, I find it only right to honor royalty. The edible flesh emits a distinctive odor, strong and penetrating even when the husk is intact. Some people regard the durian as fragrant; others find the aroma overpowering and offensive. The smell evokes reactions from deep appreciation to intense disgust, and has been described variously as almonds, rotten onions, turpentine and gym socks. Basically, the smell doesn’t appeal to everyone.

So, what’s my point? Simple. I’m like a durian. My aura doesn’t appeal to normal human beings yet a few can still appreciate my uniqueness….Weh? I’m not a big fan of the durian but if that the fruit has feelings, it may give the biggest thank you to its supporters. I’m not royalty but I know how to treat my friends well. As for the haters, I won’t hate back, I’ll be like the fruit…indifferent. However, I’d definitely be proud of my putrid being, simply because it is who I am. I won’t pretend to be a prickly pineapple, when in fact, I am otherwise.

I’m not alone, as what I’ve been foolishly told and we may always find a lot of things that may set us apart. But I just want to set the record straight. You’re not better than me just because you’re an apple or a banana! We are all fruits living in a bowl. We make the fruit salad. We have our strengths and weakness.

The next time you think about insulting a fruit that hasn’t done anything to you, you’d better think again. Think of the number of shallow people in your life that has judged you for your superficial qualities. I tell you, it won’t definitely be pretty when these fruits fight back, and it’s a good thing they don’t. Yummy!